My Top 7 Insights from the Past Year

My Top 7 Insights from the Past Year

What a year! It feels like it’s flown by but when I sit down and look at what’s happened, what I’ve accomplished and what I’ve learned in 2015…there’s much to be said. Here’s my top 7 realizations…

 

I’ve learned…

 

1.That when you deny or fail to listen to your inner truths and values, you feel it…no matter what. For me the subtle scream of my body saying no comes about in anxiety, agitation, and exhaustion. We do things for all sorts of reasons. Subconsciously, we usually do things for comfort and approval – this is what we believe we need to stay safe and in control. But when our inner truths and knowings are stronger than the comfort and approval, our bodies will show us. I have a love/hate relationship with these symptoms…they’re exhausting to experience but they always force me back onto a path that is more me. 

 

2.That crying isn’t a bad thing…in fact, it’s a lovely thing. I used to think that crying was a form of weakness or a sure sign of being depressed. But when we suppress a natural feeling of wanting to cry, we’re not allowing ourselves to process and let go of feelings and experiences. We also create shame in ourselves – because why else would we try to hold in crying? We are shameful for wanting to cry – we begin to think we’re “a mess” or “don’t have it together”.

 

The truth is, crying is healthy and it can be very beneficial to process emotions. When I’m alone and I feel tears coming on…I now let em’ pour – and it feels SO GOOD. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m crying about but I know that deep down, I’m releasing something that was caught within me…releasing energy that needs to get out or else it will cause stagnation and blockages later on…(usually it turns out to be quite a quick cry because you’re actually allowing yourself to feel and process…unless the crying triggers more released energy from your past…this is when you can’t stop crying but again, it’s all stuff that needs to be released that you were holding and carrying around)

 

If we don’t process emotions, we end up creating behaviors and patterns to prevent us from experiencing these emotions later on…(example – if someone has somehow insulted your body and you haven’t allowed yourself to experience, feel and process these emotions, we will feel shame with our bodies when standing naked in future relationships, hence possibly causing closeness/relationship problems in the future).

 

Therefore…allow yourself to feel it out! And if you want to cry, cry. I have also learned that naturally, my personality type is more likely to cry (see number 3).

 

3.That I’m scientifically shown to be more likely to cry (and you might be too!)…and I’m shown to be more sensitive to alcohol (hence a 3-day mood decline after a night of too many drinks)…and to be more inclined to withdraw from others..and apparently I’m painfully self-aware (which now makes so much sense to me…take this lengthy reflective blog post for example).

 

I was reading a blog this year when I came across some listed personality tests/types that intrigued me. The two I found the most fascinating and insightful were the Enneagram (check it out here) and the Myers-Briggs Personality Test (check out here). I have learned that my natural personalities (The Individualist and the INFJ type) are highly sensitive and can be prone to melancholy when unhealthy (well shoot, I thought) BUT at their healthiest levels can be “profoundly creative, inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all experiences into something valuable, aware of feelings and inner impulses, sensitive and intuitive both to self and others: gentle, tactful, compassionate, “true-to-self” and emotionally honest”…hmmm well that doesn’t sound too bad and those are actually things I value in myself.

 

All of us are different and we become more healthy and unhealthy at different times. What I enjoyed about reading into my personality types was that I gained a better understanding of my natural self. This helps to be more accepting of my perceived flaws and to better know when to slow down and when to say no to things. It also brings greater understanding and compassion of others; knowing that innately, we are all different and literally process and perceive things in such different ways. Makes sense as to why we have differences of opinions, arguments, “off” times in relationships and even divorces.

 

Doing the personality tests also brings up questions…“what do I know brings me to my healthiest level?”, “what are things I know I should be doing more?” “should be doing less”, “what do I need to say no to?”

 

4. Everyone is SO SO different – I have never become more aware, inspiried and curious of this than this year. I think with learning more about myself, working with others and building new relationships, I am so intrigued by how different we all are. But yet seemingly, all on the same journey; to find contentment and peace. Life is strange, isn’t it? Be gentle to others, slow down on the judgements and remember that we never know what others are going through.

 

5. Patterns will continue until we learn our lessons. Life is about learning, growing and evolving. Ever wonder why patterns continue in your life? We all hear, “This always happens to me!”, “I always attract douchebags”, “I feel like shit…again”. Well, life has a way of serving us lessons until we understand them and until we decide that it’s time for a change. What lessons are smacking you in the face? What patterns in your life are a subtle sign, urging you to change things up or move on to the next step?

 

6. That while connecting is valuable, dis-connecting might be more valuable. Our society is SO FAST PACED. Seriously…if you stand back and look at the expectations and go-go-go lifestyle we all live, it can really make you raise your brows and contemplate what it’s doing to our health (including our mental health). It’s also creating a subtle expectation among the younger generation that if you’re not connected, you’re not valuable. When we dis-connect it can literally cause anxiety and “fear of missing out”, which, because of it’s prevalence, actually has it’s own acronym (FOMO) – has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

 

But when you start to become comfortable with disconnecting…if you can find peace and a beauty with your own solitude…you can discover a connection with yourself and wisdom within that can bring much happiness and peace. Know, it’s ok to disconnect and don’t de-value yourself for appreciating solitude.

 

7. It’s ok to be unique. I think a lot of us non-prioritize what we actually want to be doing to subconsciously stay within the comfort of being “normal”. We stop exploring what we’re in to because, “there’s not enough time”, or “we should be doing this”, or “people will think I’m rude/weird/strange/bitchy”. OR our true interests are completely buried and undiscovered because we don’t even allow ourselves to go there.

 

In reality, most people are primarily focused on their own stuff. If saying no a bit more or rocking the boat a bit, allows us to explore our true interests, then why not? Embrace uniqueness. Embrace quirky, “weird”, “different”…and when we meet the people who truly embrace it… respect.

 

Happy New Year to all and enjoy your nights!

 

Shawna

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