When you feel like you're "too much"
From the time I was a teenager, a belief and story was starting to form within me...
that I was...
"too much"
too sensitive,
too emotional
thinking too much
needing to voice my thoughts too much
...
and not enough _______.
If I wasn't as "much" and I was just "less muted" then I would be easier to deal with.
For 8 years, I escaped into relationships to find comfort.
Until I realized...
they weren't giving me the comfort, love and healing my heart truly needed...
and often the same repeating story would occur of feeling misunderstood and again, "too much".
I was forced to begin looking at myself...
on my own 😬
A tough four years was spent being single,
where I spent much of it learning, healing and practicing finding greater love, peace and comfort within myself.
and to learn that no, I wasn't "too much" of anything.
An astrologer and energy healer once told me in regards to relationships,
"You don't need to feel completely understood by someone"
"You're really complex, conceptual and analytical with a lot of emotion mixed in as well"
(Best description of me I've heard lol)
"Try to let go of needing to be understood. Just love, laugh and have fun"
Honestly it was a relief to hear.
"I don't need to be understood - phew" 😂 cause that was appearing to be a struggle.
I started relying on myself and Spirit more...
for validation, for love, for healing, for comfort, and to voice and sort out thoughts & emotions and problems.
For me, these are the places that have the most solid source of love, guidance and support,
and if you can nourish and practice finding this place within you...
then you always have it.
Just this week, I was re-reminded of this.
I was trying to explain my perspective on something...
(with all the emotions and different analytical angles...
and was met with...
not the response I was looking for 😂 (sigh)
who's been there before? 🙋🏼
It started to bring up old feelings and old stories...
Until I remembered...
we don't need our partners to be the providers of everything within us and to feed us the responses WE want.
Woah.
In that moment, I had to practice radical acceptance, discussing with no expectations, listening...
but then the most crucial things that need to happen as well...
Get quiet,
Reconnect to love within and above,
Work through challenges and differences with energy release work and healing inner child work...
And then receive love, validation and comfort from Source - because that is always there and it's guaranteed.
Ultimately, we don't live in a world where everyone acts and thinks the way WE want them to.
This is why it's so important to have our own reservoir of love, peace and understanding within 🧡
xx Shawna
________
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